What Not to Crochet

Not sure if it’s the design, the photos, the felted piece insert, the crocheting or the price tag of $45 each that makes these slouchy hats a little warped but I suppose they are all equal offenders in the end.

Slouchy Wool Hat with a unique needle felted and wet felted picture at the back, a little different from the rest ………….

The heat this thing would generate…it’s making me sweat just looking at it! And it’s a bit on the creepy side too…*shivers*

…in the making of these flip flops! The yarn is acrylic from Turkey and the leather of the sole is from a cow that’s already dead.

Bring out your inner hippy with these flip flops! These unique flip flops are hand made and no patterns are used so they are just as different as you are. They have a multi color flower that sits in the middle of your foot. The tops come to your ankle and straps with a wooden bead at each end wrap around your leg or you can tie them off around the ankle. The yarn is made in Turkey with acrylic. The leather is cow that had already passed before the leather was taken, so no violence was used.

You know how sometimes you think you’re onto a good idea? Especially if it sells? Behold the baby beard beanie! Sure, a few have sold and they are darn cute on a baby but the time has definitely come to stop.

I went searching for man crochet…just to see what would come up and this is definitely not what I was expecting to find. This must be the squid mate to our gravatar image…

And for $119.50, here’s what you get:

The design of this critter came from blending characteristics from both an octopus and giant squid. It has 8 curly tentacles, with the 2 in the front ending in domed clubs. Lining the tentacles are small crocheted suckers, each of which are carefully sewn on individually.The hood is specially shaped to have that peaked top like a squid with crocheted eyes sewn on the sides. Crocheted from a soft and sturdy worsted acrylic yarn, so even though you’re wearing an animal, you’re not wearing a real animal! A happy bonus to all the vegans out there!

My eyes are bleeding. Extra large motifs plus gaudy colors surely makes it better to wear doilies…right??  Right??  Not.

There’s something really disturbing about this photo…can’t put my finger on it but I think it has something to do with the smile and the wanna be rasta look. Here’s the non-dreadlocks version…not much better either.

For your feet! And guess what? These would go fabulously with the jacket in the last post.

Of if you’re in the mood to be an elf, here you go:

Or maybe you want something that’s just plain ugly:

Lots of options to keep those toes nice and warm while March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.

The blog title where this beauty was found reads: “Crochet, Comfortable & Practical for Girls”. Where to begin exactly? Yikes. Not sure how comfortable or practical this design would be given the lumps and bumps the tampons would create under a  pair of pants or skirt but then again, who would notice, right? Insert sarcastic smirk here.

Thank you to one of our faithful readers for sending this submission in – it does appear on a blog from Hungary so perhaps the translation isn’t that great with Google Translate but I’m not so sure there’s an excuse for this one.

If you’re wondering when you should step away from the crochet hook, remember this old saying “too much of a good thing” and when you feel yourself slipping over into the abyss of overkill, it is definitely time to put down the crochet hook.

And to think these purse designs were created by a “team” and not one of them thought “oh hey, that’s just pushing the gaudy envelope, maybe we should stop”.

However, like good little designing minions for a yarn brand label, they are just making sure we all buy that extra skein of yarn to embellish our asses off.

ETA: For those of you with an astute eye (thank you Brandy!) the second purse is indeed knitted and that was entirely my oversight…my bad! I’ll leave it up there as it’s equally horrendous.

How to get hosed? Buy $500 socks. Who commands such a price? An artist named Rodarte who I have no idea who they are but I digress…behold the holey socks…yes, I know it’s probably art but wow.

Holey socks? $500! Yuck response? Priceless!

When I saw this I laughed so hard…it looks like the whole muppet crew exploded on her shoulder! The atrocity and the horror of it…oh my! Fun fur never gets old does it? Maybe if Lion Brand actually had some decent yarns their patterns wouldn’t be so bloody hideous.