Eeks! Go Buy It!

After using Google’s pretty cool translation tool from Portugese to English, I was able to at least understand you can buy the monstrosities from the blog link I just gave you yesterday. I know it’s mostly knitting but what the h*ll?! Like any good blog writer, I must give you the best information! ;)

Go ahead and click here.

If you need help converting from Euros to any other currency, click here to find out just how much these things are going for. 

A Link…Follow At Your Own Discretion

I know I wasn’t going to touch on personal blogs or websites but I just can’t stand it anymore… follow at your own discretion. Granted, it’s probably knitting but there’s got to be some crochet in there somewhere so go take a look anyways. I don’t understand the language but thankfully, the pictures speak for themselves… ;)

Click here if you dare.

Fuzz Ball Ponchos

Fuzz Ball PonchoWhat are those fuzzy things in all those gaudy colours?? I don’t even know what those puffs are??!? Fuzz balls? There are some pretty hideous ponchos out there but this one really is an abomination… why would you put puffs on your poncho? Not to mention that the yarn looks really cheap too… It looks like a thread yarn of some type that should only be used for doilies. This is an actual pattern booklet too… love the title “Poncho Pizazz”… ya, ponchos with extra-large fuzz balls on them really are quite pizazzy.

Furry Dog Jackets

Yikes! I thought the Doggy Martha Ponchos were bad but these ones… hmmmmm… sheesh! Why would you want to put a furry jacket on your dog? That one is beyond my comprehension!!! Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should! I feel a little bad for these guys…they are not looking so happy wearing these jackets! And the one with the hood…ya, it’s a great idea to cover up your dog’s ears… after all, I’m sure they prefer muffled sounds!! I bet when the shoot was over they were pawing at these jackets trying to get them off!!

Matching Ugly Hats

Why would you want to do this? Inflict such horror on your son? If that’s her son that is…but the assumption is there that’s for sure! The hats are so bad and then to act like you’re all in love because you have “matching” hats??!! Oh dear! What exactly IS hanging off the back of her hat anyways??

I have no problem with making matching hats because it’s your son and you love him, but come on, make him something at least slightly masculine and make something for yourself that matches nicely without strands of yarn hanging off the back like you forgot to sew in your ends!!

If the title is right that it’s hats for charity, oh my, come on again…give people something nice if you’re going to give it to them as a gift. Yikes…what do they think? Just because it’s a charity hat, people will want to wear hideous monstrosities and be all happy about it??

Necklaces

Why would anyone want to crochet themselves their own necklace and call it jewellery when you have such gorgeous materials out there like gold and silver to wear??? Seriously, why? This does not look nice or pretty nor does it compliment her outfit. Why I ask?? Why??? I don’t have much more to say about this as I think the picture says it all. Ugh!

And using yarn that is “gold” coloured won’t make it any better either…just look at the close-up if you’re unsure.

Green Monster Dress

All I can say about this thing is “ewwww, gross”. The ad reads in such a way that it surely will entice any woman:

Hips stretch 32″ to 40″

Green Monster DressI don’t know about you but I seriously love any clothing article that stretches a good 8 inches around my hips. The bust, however, is 32″ without any stretch so hey, no room for growth there but no problem, my hips tend to grow without my chest growing anyways…makes total sense…NOT!

I am not even going to “go there” on the model’s stance for this dress…it’s bordering on crude and is she standing that way to make sure it doesn’t slip off? I mean, really, it has so much “give” in the hips, how does it stay on?

You like it? Great, go buy it for $160 US – metallic purple fringe sure is a girl’s best friend!

Snake/Worm Hat

Snake HatAnyone want to look like Medusa? Go ahead then, get this hat! It only retails for $77 US and for such a small amount of money, seriously, who wouldn’t want to? Can’t remember who Medusa is? Go ahead and click here! I think I’ve turned to stone already!

But then again, what am I saying?? Maybe you want to wear the latest “worm” chic on your head and this hat will do just fine to achieve that look too!

Such versatility to this hat – snakes or worms on your head – how can you pass it up?? Enjoy everyone – the beads really top it off with such pizzazz too! (insert sarcastic tone here)

Doggy Martha Ponchos

Doggy Martha PonchosOh my! Someone please call PETA! This has to qualify as unethical treatment of an animal!

If I was walking down the street and saw someone with a dog with a Martha poncho on them, I’d seriously have to think about shooting the owner…why, why, why would you submit your animal to such distress?

I won’t even touch on the hideous colours chosen for these dogs or the red bow but when you first look at the picture, you really have to wonder just what the h*ll you are looking at! Do you think these dogs could walk while wearing these? I can see the dog’s paws catching in the poncho so easily and then we’d have doggy pile-up! That would have to qualify as cruel for sure!

The proliferation of the Martha poncho is incessant…how can you put it on a dog? What’s next? A gerbil? A hamster? A cow? A horse? Come on!! This one really takes the cake!

Headbands

Baby HeadbandFirst question for this would be why and what to say about these? The pictures pretty much sum up the hideousness level of these creations. Not even on a toddler does it look better! May as well time travel back to the 80s for this Adult Headbandlook…and even then, it wasn’t that easy to pull off…what would you wear with this? Your crocheted leg warmers? Even worse, the pattern suggests you fluff the fun fur out of the seam once you’ve sewn in the ends too…ya, great…let’s fluff up the fur because it’s not quite furry enough! :|

Both models seem to have that shocked look in their eyes too…I’m sure the baby is thinking, Mommy, why?? whyyyyyyyyy???

Barefoot Sandals

Barefoot Sandals

Not too sure what to say about these except that sandals usually have a sole to them and what possible function do these serve?

They have a certain cuteness factor to them but still, what’s the point? To make your feet look sexy and to turn on your significant other?!

The pattern says that gauge isn’t important either…wonder why??!! LOL

Earrings

I must say, this need to use Fun Fur for EVERYTHING is getting ridiculous! Here’s the pattern if you so desire to make these lovely earrings yourself:

EARRING – make 2 (no sh*t Sherlock on the 2)

Attach yarn around earring hoop, chain 1, single crochet closely and evenly around ring (22 single crochets for 1 1/4″ [3 cm] hoop), slip stitch in first single crochet to join. Fasten off. Weave in ends.

Fun Fur EarringsAll you crocheters out there, since when does 22 single crochets make a pattern? Just how inept do you have to be to finish this pattern and call it a crochet creation? Not to mention just how hideous they are. I swear Fun Fur will do ANYTHING to get their yarn out there and to think you would have to buy at least one ball of Fun Fur to make these earrings too…for 22 single crochets on each ear and that’s a grand total of 44 single crochets for a pattern! I wonder just how stupid the Fun Fur establishment thinks crocheters are?

This is embarassing to the whole craft!

Cow Patty, I Mean, Cocktail Hat

Cow Patty HatSeriously, someone had the audacity to call this thing a “cocktail” hat to dress up any party outfit! I can’t help but think cow patty on her head…I mean seriously, if it were brown, wouldn’t it conjure up that image a lot more easily? And the furry halo around it doesn’t help either…classy cocktail hat? Not!! Can you imagine showing up at a really classy party wearing this and everyone looking strangely at you? I can’t quite read her expression either but it sure looks like slight disgust mixed with…

Someone please get this off my head! I know I have to pose for the photo and I’m a model and all, but seriously, I’m about to freak out…get it off my head!

Caterpillar Scarf

Caterpillar Scarf

Another really good example of how not to use fun fur…complete with an example of how not to fringe a scarf…what are those anyways? Confetti on string?

I can’t help but think a caterpillar is trying to engulf her neck!

What a totally hideous way to compliment what looks like what could make a pretty nice casual look otherwise.