Butt Ugly Purses

Butt Ugly PurseI’ve seen some nice purses crocheted before but wow, this one is really so hideous! And whatever is on the front just screams “homemade” too…what are those?

Compliments of Lionbrand free patterns of course! And appropriately named “Fun in the Sun Bag“…why fun in the sun? No idea! Does this look like a beach bag?

At least it doesn’t have Fun Fur on it like everything else Lionbrand likes to give you a free pattern for! :|

Peek-a-Boo I See Your Bra Tops

What’s with showing your bra in crocheted tops? This one borders on “Hooker Wear” too… but since the bra just peeks out here and there, not quite. Just love how she’s dropped her straps off her shoulders so they don’t show at her shoulder lines… uh, duh, we can see your bra anyways… why try to hide the straps?? And is that her bra tag peeking out in the back? Oh ya, definitely a classy look!

I can’t imagine this being comfortable at all and just exactly what do you pair it with and better yet, where exactly do you wear it? Looks like the model paired it with pink match-my-pink-bra PJ bottoms… perfect! Retails for $155 US.

Hooker Wear

Wow, this is an outfit that is offered as a free pattern if you sign up for membership with a certain crochet site… both the “shell skirt” and the “pineapple top”.

Just the right look to show off your bra! Why even wear this top over your bra? It’s so close to being sheer that you might as well not even bother putting it on! And to complete the ensemble, may as well put on a skirt that makes you look mostly naked too! Oh ya, hooker crochet! All she needs is the high heels and off to stand on the corner she goes.

Not your Grandma’s crochet that’s for sure but if you want to look like a hooker, hey, what a great reason to become a member of this website!

Hairy Tops

Fur Top

Crochet tops to love?

Ya, sure! Any girl truly loves to make her arms look like they have furry hair growing off them by choosing just the right shirt that’s for sure… and to boot, she could make it herself!

What’s with the pose? Why is she holding her neck like she’s in pain? Ah, maybe the shirt is trying to eat her…after all it does look like fur and could easily be an animal.

Androgynous Nude Figurines

Nude FigureOkay, I know this figurine thing is supposed be “art” but holy crap!

The artist has created a wee bit of controversy with her figurines…gosh, wonder why? Not sure what her message is but seems she has one…and it needs to be expressed through a crocheted penis and breasts and a weird pointy hat.

What a nice excuse to make it okay to crochet genitalia.

Designed by Ming-Yi Sung.

Scarf with Pockets

I was drawn to this picture when I first saw it for a few reasons…

  • firstly, the colours in the scarf are pretty
  • secondly, the model is pretty
  • thirdly, the model’s smile is nice and,
  • fourthly, the sweater colour is great.

What more could you ask for?

Then I looked at it again…why would she have her hands in her scarf? Are those pockets??!! Yup…pockets! Then my brain said “on a scarf??”. Wait, there’s something wrong with this picture…how exactly do pockets work on scarves? One fling of this scarf over your shoulder and anything in your “pocket” is flying out of it and into the eye of the closest person behind you.

I won’t even touch on the fun fur around her hat brim and the scarf pockets as there’s no need to really…it’s just another example of how bad fun fur can be.

Thanks to Barbara for the submission… when I first saw the scarf and hat set, I thought it was pretty cute but Barbara’s email asked me to look closer…you can visit her at her blog if you like. Click here.

“Loop de Loop” Hats

You know, in some ways, this hat really isn’t so bad but then you look closer and it conjures up images of a clown and I’m not quite sure that’s a good look to achieve unless of course you’re trying to achieve it ;)!

Cost of this hat is $140 US.

So what do you think? Not bad or pretty atrocious?

Pineapple Bathrooms

Bathroom CrochetSeriously, fess up… how many of you have seen crochet in a bathroom? And for those not familiar with crochet, “pineapple” is actually a type of stitch in crochet. Why someone would want to decorate their bathroom with crochet is beyond me…. and the colour is awful too! Just so gaudy!! Ugh!

And nothing is off limits… from the crochet covering the toilet paper roll to a seat cover (yikes!) to a cover for your waste basket.

If you can’t see the inscription on this pattern leaflet, here it is:

Add the timeless elegance of pineapples to enhance your bathroom decor!

Yes, with the exclamation point too… in case you don’t believe that crochet enhances your timeless elegance in your bathroom….LOL

Crochet & Buttons Jewelry

Crochet Buttons JewelryNo idea what to do with crochet anymore? Then add some buttons!! And not just a few… lots and lots of them so they dangle off your crochet and make what you could call a necklace! Beautiful idea… I’ll get right on that!

I bet the cost of the buttons makes this a pretty expensive necklace actually… just how many buttons is that? About 100 or so??!! :|

Wow, what a great example of being at a loss for what to crochet… this one really is pushing it when it comes to creativity… how hard is it to hang buttons off a string?

Frosting Halter

Frosting Halter

Wait for it… the animation of this frosted beauty takes a moment… it’s worth it to see all the different ways you can wear this! To quote the site it’s selling on:

Halter made out of super soft and warm frost yarn. Can be worn as a shawl or sarong as well. Fabulous design for the chilly weather. Absolutely gorgeous! Made of: frosting furry like yarn.

Just what the h*ll is frosty furry like yarn? You certainly can’t find that on the market! It retails for $45 US but please allow the designer 5-7 days to crochet this beauty because it takes awhile to get frosting on your halter!

And oh yes, it’ll definitely be warm because halters were really meant for the cool weather weren’t they? And not to mention the one view of her chest completely exposed…at least put a top on that mannequin before you go ahead and flash her chest!

Poodle Hair Hats

Poodle HatHow many of you think wearing poodle hair on your head is cool and hip? Here’s a great example of what you can do with poodle hair if you spin it up yourself! Lovely isn’t it?

The hat is called “french organic earth faerie“. Have you noticed how people throw in French to describe anything weird to pass it off as stylish? Last time I checked, French people were pretty stylish and that certainly didn’t mean wearing poodle hair on their heads.

In case you really want to know what’s in the hat content, here it is:

handspun poodle (yes, a dog!) [notice the emphasis here...even the maker is shocked it's actually dog hair], cotton, flax, wool, alpaca, silk noil, ramie, camel [more animal content...yaaa!], copper wire, silver string

Can you imagine the stink if this hat ever got wet?  Oh ya, wet poodle and wet camel is very enticing that’s for sure.

For a mere $99 US this hat is a steal for anyone who wants to buy it!

Capes

CapeWell, unless of course you’re a super hero of some type and need one to put over your spandex super suit… And to accessorize the cape, it’s always a great idea to put on a holey hat with a big honkin’ flower on the side of it that looks like it’s eating your face.

When was the last time you saw a cape and jeans together? Unless you’re wearing a onesy spandex suit underneath it, pretty much nothing else goes with a cape…that’s just reality folks!

Regal Red & Purple

Red & PurpleSince when does red and purple rule?  Can you believe this pattern leaflet?  And you can make 9 absolutely regal designs too…oh ya, for sure…because red and purple are the BEST colours to put together…NOT! 

Here’s the description for the pattern leaflet:

Indulge in a little red and purple yarn, the brighter the better, and create absolutely regal crochet designs for yourself and your wanna-have-fun friends! Start with a wardrobe of red hats — we’ve included three charming styles. One even has a matching tote bag. Fling one of the three fun and easy scarves around your neck and you’ll be fabulous! And if you really want to feel like you reign over the world, make a Royal Scepter and be in command at all your royal gatherings. Proudly wear your red and purple splendor — you deserve it!

Bright red and purple to make you regal and to feel like you’re reigning over the world?  Okay, puke…and then make yourself a sceptor and proudly wear your red and purple splendor?  Oh my!  And if that’s the sceptor she’s holding in the picture, she better be careful…looks a tad like a witch in a red & purple hat!  And that is definitely regal!

Creepy Clown Toys

Creepy Clown Toy

The pattern for this creepy little guy reads as follows:

“This classic toy has enchanted generations of babies!”

I don’t think the essence of this toy was captured in that sentence so I’d like to re-write it to the following:

“This classic creepy toy has enchanted scared the crap out of generations of babies!”

I only have one warning if you give this as a gift to a new Mom: cover your ears and take cover…I’m sure she’s going to shriek and throw it across the room!