Table Doily Shawls

What’s wrong with this picture? It’s called an “Ice Crystal Shawl”, however, when you look at it, isn’t it really a table doily? Don’t get me wrong…it’s a gorgeous stitch and well made, however, it looks like she went to her Grandma’s house, tore the doily off the closest table, put a pin on it and said “wow, look at me, a shawl!” and out for dinner she went… :|

Why do crochet designers do this? You can’t tell me it’s impossible to be a little more creative then taking something that’s meant to be something else, changing it slightly, peddling it as a piece of clothing and pretending that’s what it’s supposed to be! Seen it with afghans too…with all those darn granny square items of clothing! It’s supposed to be on your table and can look quite lovely there…but the secret is to leave it on your table…duh!

Link respectfully submitted by one of our WNTC readers…thanks!

Conehead Hats

Want to morph your head shape into a cone? Here’s a hat to achieve that much sought after look! And to think this pattern comes from a publisher I normally have respect for. For knitting patterns, they are absolutely great! For crocheting, well, just take a look at this hat…LOL However, they do still do a lot of nice patterns…guess it’s okay to “slip up” once in awhile. I’ve been told that if the model is not looking at you directly or face on then they are hiding something in the picture…so with her looking down at her feet, guess that’s the only way this hat will look nice…so if you want to wear it, go ahead but be warned, you might have to look at your feet the entire time so people don’t clue in that your head is now cone-shaped! I won’t even touch on how it’s mashing her hair down either… :|

Respectfully submitted by one of our WNTC readers! Thanks!

“I’m *Actually* Naked” Lace Tops

Another one from “Amazing Crochet” that just makes you scratch your head. Why do they make these revolving graphics anyways? It really does NOTHING for the top at all except give you the 360 degree view of the fug in all its glory… Not to mention make it that much more hilarious on this site! Really, this one is not that *ugly* but again, how do you wear this? Over another top perhaps? Love how the mannequin is bare-naked under it too…who in the real world is going to wear it this way unless you’re a pop star or something and even then, most would have to wear something under it. I don’t think even Christina Aguilera or Mariah Carey would wear it the way it is. I mean, look at the left side of this…one teeny tiny little piece just barely covers her nipple…how do you keep that in place? Oh, right, tape!! DUH! Anyways, you decide…what do you think? And hey, don’t get any ideas about the necklace, it’s NOT included in the price of $45 US with free shipping!

Ponytail Hats

Amish chic perhaps? I am not quite sure what the purpose of a “ponytail hat” could be? Oh well, at least it’s cheap to create this fug…only $8.99 US for the kit and plenty of yarn leftover too…according to the pattern ad. Meant to add a “creative touch to your child’s winter attire” too!
Tell me how this thing doesn’t fall off someone’s head with the tentacles hanging off the back? I’m quite sure it’d have to be pinned to your head too…oh ya, way comfortable I’m sure! Oh wait, there’s a tie under her chin…my oh my, so chic! I gotta get me one!! :| How about you?

Quite a few readers emailed this fug link into WNTC so thanks to everyone who did! Too many of you to list actually…so fug on…we appreciate the links…makes our job way easy!

Crappy Celtic Crochet

Wow, look at how those colours clash! Is that what defines Celtic? Horrible colour combinations and hideous ensembles that clash enough to burn your retinas?!

I don’t remember Celtic being reminiscent of any of these colours either. How would you feel if you were Irish and saw this pattern book that claims to be showing your heritage colours? Is a bright pink and orange ensemble Irish? Funny, I think of green usually….go figure!

And not to mention the little girl’s pink flowers with furry green accents…and a matching fug purse…ugh!

Furry Sweaters

As said by the person who submitted this to WNTC: “…for every woman who always wanted a furry chest!” And I think that pretty much sums of this monstrosity. The pattern is free and reads “eyelash adorns 4-ply for great flair”….ya, whatever…maybe if you want to look like a gorilla. Geez, if it was black fun fur, you’d never know the difference! And to think they give this pattern free to promote the magazine for “crochet lovers”…puke!

Submitted to WNTC by Ginny of Yarning with a Hook

Flowered Poncho/Hat Combos

Who wears these combinations? Has anyone ever seen these things out in public?

Not only is the colour just bad…some pukey yellow… but the flowers on the head and on the poncho is just not good… the flowers look like an afterthought — just plopped onto the poncho and hat because, well, the designer had made the flowers and had nowhere else to put them! In fact, if they weren’t there, the combo *might* just be passable…

Seriously, if you’re going to crochet a carpet, do that and put it on the floor, don’t make a hat and call it a matching ensemble!

Shoo Fly Covers

Yup, you read that right! SHOO FLY covers!! Why I say, whyyyyy? Oh my dear God, we can’t brush bugs away from our glasses so we need to crochet fringe on a piece of fabric and place it over our glasses? Geez, this is just a perfect something you’d find at someone’s house and you’d think…”what the h*ll?” and then once someone told you it’s to shoo flies out of your drink, you’d think “oh dear God, I have to leave now” and run from that house laughing hysterically!

This is a free pattern too…go get it if you can find it…just google “SHOO FLY COVER”… :|

In the designer’s words “this piece is designed to keep flies and bugs out of your drinks when you are outside”. I think I’d rather drink a bug then be caught dead with this thing on my glass!

Big Ass Scarves

From wearing next to nothing to wearing too much… designing bad crochet never ends! Just how heavy is this darn scarf and why is it so HUGE? It looks like it’s engulfing this poor model’s neck and any minute now she’s going to topple forward and fall on her face!

If you’re going to make it that big, just turn it into a shawl, a shoulder wrap, anything that’s appropriate for how big this thing is. Finished size is 8″ wide by 96″ long…yikes! And the colour changes are pretty bad too.

Comes as a kit for $34.99 US!

Trashy Lingerie

Seriously, is this lingerie? I have no idea how to explain this “peek-a-boo” crochet other than it must be lingerie…and since it comes from a French website, it’s quite possible. But if you are going to do crochet lingerie, yikes, how about some nice yarns to do it with? And check out those tassles…the ends weren’t snipped to make tassles…just looks like worms hanging off her arms. And this borders on “hooker wear” if it isn’t lingerie…and you have to wonder…is she wearing any undergarments? That fun fur trim I won’t even comment on…I’ll just go poke my eyes out now! Putting a nice body into fugly crochet lingerie doesn’t make it a nice crochet even with the breasts popping out trying to distract you!

Submitted to WNTC by Leisel of Knot Again…thanks!

Fur-Trimmed & Tassled Tops

And then go ahead and call it “young and trendy”…it insults the younger generation! Especially the generation that likes to be “young and trendy”!

Why even fling that phrase around when you know the stuff really is ugly crap? Come on…this thing is horrible and looks like someone who’s never crocheted ever put it together! I sometimes think teens should wear some more appropriate clothing but this is just mean…with the fun fur edging and the weird tassles…talk about torture for whoever wears this…she’ll get mocked incessantly when she shows up at school in this thing!

Ugly Crap for Kids

It’s extremely difficult if not near impossible to make a child look awful in anything they wear…I mean, after all, they are just so cute and so cuddly it really doesn’t matter what they wear but I have to say, this crochet design managed to make a child look bad.

It looks like someone threw up pink yarn on the child and then as an afterthought figured they’d crochet some flowers and oh yes, then attach some weird-coloured green yarn to make it look like the flowers have stems. Truth is…it looks like the child is being digested by some weird human-eating flowers. Yikes!

Have at ‘er readers!

Fringe Jeans

Fringe JeansOh, come on… this isn’t even considered a crochet pattern. Lionbrand has gone a tad too far on this one… their instructions say to use a crochet hook to apply the fringe to the jeans. “Using” a crochet hook to pull strands of yarn through to make fringe is NOT a crochet pattern. DUH!!

This one really makes you wonder… Lionbrand will come up with anything and call it a “pattern” so all those who really love Lionbrand will use their yarn. Pulling pieces of yarn through “netting” that’s glued, yes, glued to the sides of your jeans does not make it a crochet pattern.

You can’t help but shake your head on this one… just how stupid do they think people are? And besides that, unless you’re a cowgirl or a cowboy, why the fringe on jeans?!?

Fug photo submitted to WNTC by JJ from Domesticated.

Freaky Bunny Suits

I love it when people have a sense of humour and most of all the artist! I hate it when people get all upset about an opinion and get all b*tchy about it! We’re all entitled to have an opinion whether people agree with them or not.

So for that, another post for Ming Yi Sung. What humour am I referring to? Check out her comment (#19) and then go check out her new website. Still just as hideous as ever but long live a sense of humour! It’s probably the reason why she can crochet such creations too! You have to have some sense of funny to pull these off!

The bunny suit is hiliarous and hideous too and for Ming’s sense of humour, she gets another post! She certainly is artistic — check out some of her other creations…they certainly make you raise your eyebrows and say “what the h*ll” that’s for sure!

Photo shamelessly stolen off her new website.

Boxy Granny Sweaters

Granny Square SweaterHAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Now to the sweater – why would you want to make a sweater that is made up of about a million colours (annoying when you’re crocheting to change colours constantly) and one that is so boxy that nearly no body shape would be able to pull this off?! Not to mention all the ends to weave in and the seaming up of all the “granny squares” to each other. Even the model, who’s very slim, has to fling her arms out like she’s flying like a bird to get this to show “properly”. Guess you could hold your arms like that all the time…otherwise, it just looks like you’re wearing an afghan… Designed by Lionbrand of course but you actually have to buy this pattern from Lionbrand too…it ain’t free!! :| What team does the designing for Lionbrand anyways? Yikes, they need to be fired!