Fiesta Misty Boa & Hat Set

What’s with scarves errrr, I mean “boas” these days? This is yet another rendition of the one previously posted although I’ll give it a little bit of credit for being a “pattern” at least… it’s not just a bunch of loops. I don’t get the idea behind scarves that look like they’re engulfing your neck… how easy would these be to wear? Not to mention heavy!

The matching hat doesn’t help matters at all either. Who came up with this colour combo? Fiesta? Ya, whatever!

Loopy Bolero “Scarf”

Lionbrand really makes me scratch my head over and over…check out this latest “crochet” pattern. I don’t know how many times I have to say it but just using a crochet hook to slip stitch loops of yarn around itself is NOT a pattern!! It’s totally insulting to anyone who crochets and obviously is just a way to sell their yarn…just how *stupid* do they think crocheters are? And not to mention you have to spend over $30 US to get the required yarn for this thing. It looks like some weird yarn monster is eating her neck. Why not just unravel the yarn around your neck a few times, forget the “loops” and just say you’ve made yourself a scarf??!! It’d be simpler than buying a crochet hook to slip stich some loops that’s for sure!

Thanks to everyone who emailed this one in…quite a few to mention actually!

Couch Dresses

Seriously, what the h*ll? I’ve had a few people email this one to WNTC…is this for real? Can’t be!! If it is, well, it belongs in the WTF file…and believe me, anything that belongs in the WTF file is seriously bad…beyond hideous…in fact, just downright NOT RIGHT. It can be customized to fit you and any couch or loveseat! Seriously! You don’t believe me do you? You even get two flower broaches which will be such a wonderful accessory to this monstrosity that they will definitely distract from the fact that you’re in a freakin’ COUCH DRESS!! I don’t know what else to say…I’m at a loss for words on this one…so I’ll just end it with WTF??!!!

This brain aneurism submitted to WNTC by: Karen, Donna, Peach & Ronnie…thanks!

Ole Burgundy “Beastly” Purses

This was actually named “Ole Burgundy Beauty Purse” but I felt the need to omit the word “beauty” and replace it with “beastly”…I’m sure you can see why! But what a great idea of a handbag — hey, if you throw up on it, nobody will notice!! So what the heck? Just take it out with you on your next drunken party and just use it as a barf bag…for all your drunken friends…I’m sure they will appreciate it and your handbag will still retain its original “beauty”.

What a terrific bargain for $48 US!!

No Purpose “Rippled Macaroon” Poncho

Can you see it on her face? She’s pursing her a lips a tad…probably trying not say “dear God, get this thing off me!!”. Selling a pattern on the statement “fits any body shape” is NOT a good sign. Really…if that’s your only marketing “tool”, you’re in trouble!! I call this a “no purpose” poncho because, well, seriously, what purpose does it serve if you wear it? It’s ugly, it’s unstylish and it really looks like you just sorta threw it on because you weren’t sure what else to do with it. And what’s up with those tassles? Geez, they’d get caught in everything. It really does nothing for this model’s outfit…again, no purpose. So that leads to another topic…if your crochet really has no purpose, don’t do it! Crocheting is not to do just because you can do it…seriously, do you choose your clothes that way? I just have to put something on so I’ll just put whatever on. I don’t think so. Same principle applies to crochet – it really should have a purpose when you make it! 

“Show Your Nipples” Tube Tops

This “free” pattern is insulting…not only because anyone who has crocheted for even the slightest bit of time can figure out the “pattern” without looking at it…duh, single crochets over and over and over from a chain…how hard is that…but for the very fact that you are crocheting a top that shows your nipples! Of course, this one is taken from the same site as the pointy boobs top posted yesterday and there are quite a few really bad pictures in this way on this site. From pointy boobs to show your nipples to “I can tell you just had a bikini wax” photos, this site has been rated TACKY by WNTC. I decided not to post the “just had a bikini wax” photos because they are just bad….really bad!

Pointy Boob Bathing Suits

Do you remember those pointed bras from Madonna? Well, this designer has certainly been successful in achieving that look with crocheting. I feel a bit bad for this model…I’m mean it’s obvious she’s an amateur and probably getting paid next to nothing to model this for the designer but oh dear, oh my, how embarassing to pose in a bathing suit that makes your chest look pointed. Too funny!! Oh, the pattern only costs $2…wonder why? The finished product is usually a good indication how well the pattern was written and obviously, this is one bad pattern! And to make your model look 20 pounds heavier isn’t a good sign either.

Link to this site provided by Naida…thanks!

Pukey Purple Passion Poncho

Described as “flirty” and for beginner/intermediate crocheters and you can make it in a weekend!! And my oh my, what a fun-filled fabulous weekend it’d be! You can get this pattern for a mere $5.00 and who knows how much for the yarn? I see you will have to track yourself down some Fun Fur…because, well, we all know that crocheters love the Fun Fur…it’s got to be the easiest (said with a smirk on my face) thing in this world to crochet with!! Oh hey, it’s an “original design” too…

Respectfully submitted by a WNTC reader…thanks!

And don’t you just love how “pukey” fits right in there with all the other “P” words… ;)