Latticework Vest

Wanna look bigger than you are? Here's the perfect vest for you! It comes in all the regular sizes, plus sizes and petite sizes too…and no matter how you slice it, yes, you WILL look bigger than you are! Boxy vests that come way down past your butt are never flattering – they engulf your waist and make it disappear and you end up looking like a big square. Not a look I'm particularly after even if it is a free pattern!

I wonder how heavy it is to wear? Heavy weighted yarn isn't a great idea either…just adds bulk no matter what size you are and the bigger it is, the bulkier it looks!  Ugh!

Please don't shelve all the fashion dos/don'ts just because it's crocheted! 


  1. timethief says:

    My, my don’t you have an eye!
    Perhaps the designer’s were grieving anorexics.
    I’m slender. Yes, I’m petite and even I would look like a sherman tank in this depressing heavy shroud.

    They must have paid the model big bucks to affect such a broad smile while this horrid thingee that wouldn’t deign to be buried hung from her frame.

    BLECH :P….

  2. CombatGal says:

    I think it’s perfect for career shoplifters or for people who go up to people on the street and try to sell them bootlegged goods. “Psssssst, hey buddy..(opens vest to reveal watches tied to the inside)….take a look at these watches! Genuine Rolex for only $5.00!”

  3. Maryann says:

    I saw that pattern when I was looking for a vest pattern for my mother. It was almost what I wanted, except, you know, bulky, shapeless and dowdy.

    I had to point out to the numbnuts that they told you in the pattern to check the guage, and then forgot to tell you the guage.

    So if anyone wants to make this fugling, you may thank me that you now have a guage to go by.

    Which just goes to show you how many people have used this pattern. That pattern wasn’t brand new when I found it… and no one had e-mailed to ask what the guage was?

    Sounds like nobody gave a damn.

  4. Liz says:

    I can see one great purpose for it, it’s a bear repellant. If you’re out in the woods, and a bear walks up to you, just pull the fronts out wide like the model does in the second picture then you’ll look bigger than the bear and scare him off.

  5. BenPanced says:

    *But, Ma! You can just keep the yarn for another project! The pattern says you only need three skeins and you bought 12!”

    “Oh, I’ll just keep going until I run out.”

    I’d hate to fall into a deep body of water wearing that thing.

  6. auntchrissy says:

    Oh dear … I’m feeling guilt pangs because I’m in the process of making a vest that goes down past my butt! In my defense though, my past vests have been too short and I thought maybe going a little too long was preferable. Now I’ll have to rethink my whole butt-covering strategy!!!! ;-)

  7. Kat-Z says:

    The only thing which could complete it for me, would be
    to utilize all of the many little spaces just begging to
    have something hung and displayed on them.

    During the holidays, do GREEN
    velveteen and “BE the TREE” Ohmmmmmm

  8. Cathy says:

    OMG. The pose on the right makes the model look huuuuuuuge – the way she’s got the vest spread out, it looks like it’s all covering stomach. Way to sell yarn!!!

  9. Leila says:

    There’s an entire book of plus sized crochet sweatter patterns that just look like poooop, too. Seen it? It’s reall sad to witness…

  10. Jaqui says:

    Hmm…for some reason I’ve got the Schoolhouse Rock “adjectives” song running through my brain. All togther now…”It was a hairy bear. It was a scary bear…”

  11. jojoe says:

    Im so Upset that someone beat me to the MAUDE comment on this. I actually think Bea Arthur might be looking for it and we should let her know where it is, I would hate to see her get angry

  12. WildCatDancer says:

    I think everyone is missing the obvious. This is the new “Knitting for Whales” pattern. Whales often swim in very cold water and need a cute little vest to keep them warm. This little number was knitted in Orca, but it could also be done in Sperm whale gray.

  13. Hot&CoolMom says:

    Re all the Maude comments — Maude NEVER wore anything this horrible!!!! Believe it or not, I laughed aloud at the comments on this one more than I have on any so far, including the pasties! And anyone who thinks this will COVER bulk better think again!

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