Thongs

The site selling the kit says
one size fits most happy hookers!
and after that statement I think I’ll
let the rest of you have your say.

Thanks Jennifer for sending this in!

55 comments

  1. MoonShine says:

    I don’t know how happy any hooker is going to be after wearing that horrible thing! I think the instructions should come with a warning label from the Surgeon General!

    WARNING! Wearing crocheted thongs may be hazardous to bootie health! And… making crocheted thongs may call your mental health into question.

  2. HydraFemme says:

    1. SINGLE crochet for something like this, people!

    2. A soft acrylic in an appropriate colour.

    3. Not to be worn under very tight garments.

    4. Don’t forget to take plenty of medication beforehand, or you’ll want to tear this monster off in claustrophobic terror.

    In case of adverse reactions, contact your doctor or yarn barn immediately.

  3. anonymous says:

    Believe it or not I actually made this….as a joke of course. It is one of the most uncomfortable things in the world and unfortunatlely I speak from experience…..

  4. isisfae says:

    LOL i would have made the string out of a chain and slip stitches, maybe single crochet… definitely not double. double seems too painful… and cotton yarn isn’t very soft.

    and i agree with Clara V “I dont think that double crochet is the best way to make underwear. It would be breezy….” it should have been single crochet….

    but it seems like this thong was meant to be worn for 5 minutes, but lord knows my guy would ruin the mood and start laughing if he pulled off my jeans to find a crocheted thong.

    but i would make one out of mohair as a joke bachelorette gift. lol

  5. Pansy says:

    “Happy hookers”? Gad. That’s tackier than the thong itself.
    I’m just thankful the picture here shows the offending garment on a mannequin instead of a real human.

  6. Sophie says:

    I’d choose no drawers if this was my only choice!
    I think it’s a health hazard since the string is a conduit leading back and forth to two orifices!
    Why would anyone spend the time to make this bacteria highway?

  7. Ani says:

    Im not sure why, but the weird looking bow above the butt floss cracks me up.

    It reminds me of the crocheted bikinis that my mom has in the attic from her high school days. Those were done in double crochet, but they had a layer of silk (or some silk-like fabric) sewn on the inside to make it more comfortable and more modest.

    I defiantly think that if I wore something like that for my fiancee, it would certainly kill the mood. Im just not sure if the pain, scratchyness, self-consciousness, or my fiancee’s hysterics would kill it first.

  8. Anonymous says:

    “2. A soft acrylic in an appropriate colour.”
    Fingering weight…. Not worsted. Maybe crochet cotton #10. Black… or red. Or baby pink.

    “3. Not to be worn under very tight garments.”
    Maybe this is supposed to be a sunbathing garment??

    “4. Don’t forget to take plenty of medication beforehand, or you’ll want to tear this monster off in claustrophobic terror.”
    A lighter weight fiber would help (see above), but I’ve always had problems with “tie on” garments that need to move, so I think some sort of elastic is needed around all the edges. I did make a crocheted bikini bottom once upon a time, but don’t like thongs (except the flip-flop sandal type…), so I doubt I would even attempt this. Maybe as a joke… in black, with a skull design and red ruffle trim…. And call it a G-string…. I have a few friends who would appreciate such (maybe not enough to wear it, but….).

  9. Pyogazel says:

    lol

    a thingering weight yarn, maybe silk, tight single crochet, a solid color (red or black, and you’re good to go! Victoria’s Secrets mamage to do nice crochet underwear, are they the only ones?

  10. WyoHooker says:

    Personally I kind of like it. Looks much more comfy than stiff laced stuff you see in the store. I would do it in a baby yarn in sc.

  11. irina says:

    oh my….. i have this pattern……not by choice mind you. It came in my 2006 crochet a pattern a day calendar……feb 13 no less. yeah, i can see where this would make a great valentine’s day gift.

    I think the fun fur version would go well with that mohair body suit.

  12. mandilyn says:

    You know what, lol. I actually like the looks of that thong, lmao. I think the type of yarn would be at the advantage of the crocheter, lol. And I too agree that fun fur would be a cool one. Pardon the pun again. As far as being too breeze with dc’s….I thought that any thong you put on was too breezy, lol. But to each it own, right? I would definately make some for myself if I had a pattern for it and if anyone one would like to share it, I would greatly appreciate it. I can just imagine the look on my hubbies face if he were to see me make something like that, lol.

  13. Maryann says:

    PS: Jill, where have you been? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that most of us have known about crochetmycrotch.com for a while (in my case, a couple of years.) It’s pretty famous.

  14. Jill says:

    Maryann, the Internet is a big place. I just happened on it through someone’s website and couldn’t believe it! I’ve been crocheting for over 30 years and never once did it occur to me a pattern like that existed. Guess I need to look around more! LOL

  15. Liz says:

    I think that thong needs to be smaller and the wearer needs a good bikini wax, as it stands it would be too funny to wear because it looks like it covers a large area of pubic hair. I mean how many women have hair growing clear up to the belly button? that’s just not necessary now a days!!!

  16. TheFallingLeaf says:

    If you must make a thong, it REALLY should be in a much different color. The only person I know that would wear those colors is not someone I would want to think of wearing that thong. But still, this is yet another waste of perfectly fine yarn and time that should be spent making something far more comfortable and appealing.

  17. Anonymous says:

    macrame??? why not in hemp while we are at it…

    I love the fur ideas…that way the carpet can match the drapes…

    tacky design…I’ll stick to the store bought ones…

    OH…glad I stumbled on this blog…it made my day!!!

  18. Mazell Stafford says:

    I totally agree with all the complaints made here. I might make it in fun fur or edge it with same for a gag shower gift but that would be it & I would never use those colors or that stringy stuff. I just read in the paper the other day where the Surgeon General has determined that thong undies do lead to a lot of cross contamination as the thong acts like a wick. Was it Esther Williams who said “I spent too many yrs. trying to keep my panties out of there, I’m not going to wear undies that are supposed to go there”.

  19. mary says:

    lol i love all your comments and enjoy this website alo,ive seen so many awful patterns,lol this looks so uncomfurtable! lol

  20. crazycatlady says:

    Ewwwww…looks like gramma’s cotton crocheted dishcloths. Though I can think of a few people I’d like to make them for…once I master spinning steel wool into “yarn”. I’ve often told people, “You’re more irritating that a thong woven out of steel wool…”

  21. Minky says:

    Glad I Still have some of the ointment left, but just to add.. I wouldn’t even waste my leftover yarns for this pattern.

  22. spangies says:

    OMG I we have been down on our luck before and heck we are still there but I think the day my husband saw me crocheting undies for me would be the day he got a 2nd 3rd and 4th job LOL this is just scary joke or not

    ~M~

  23. Michelle says:

    Actually I made this pattern when it was available in the Crochet Calendar for 2006 and it isn’t ‘uncomfortable’ at all but then again I’ve been wearing thongs since they came out 20 yrs ago, so nothing new there. As for the Dc stitch not being appropriate, unless you intend to wear this outside your clothes, or if you intend to wear nothing other than this in public who’s gonna see it? Duuh! I’ve even taken this pattern and made adjustments to my own taste and made more and sold them.

    • diva says:

      Hey Michelle, i am with you. There are many ways to look at this the negative way and the positive way. I like it too and my man would love it nomatter what damn stitch it’s crocheted in. I too like to wear thongs and has for many years, i want this pattern and i will be making one in red for valentines yaaaaa!

  24. diva says:

    I don’t know what’s the big issue about this thong because really if she likes it then that’s her preference. Did anybody stop to think that she likes it or better yet her man likes it? Personally i don’t know of a REAL man that would have a problem with any thong. My opinion is i would make it for the beach and the only person who would have a problem with it would be a hater, not of the thong but with the person who’s wearing it. So to who ever made this thong, keep your head up high and keep going…CROCHET YA HEART OUT, KEEP HOOKING!!!

Leave a Reply