Ugly Crap for Kids

It’s extremely difficult if not near impossible to make a child look awful in anything they wear…I mean, after all, they are just so cute and so cuddly it really doesn’t matter what they wear but I have to say, this crochet design managed to make a child look bad.

It looks like someone threw up pink yarn on the child and then as an afterthought figured they’d crochet some flowers and oh yes, then attach some weird-coloured green yarn to make it look like the flowers have stems. Truth is…it looks like the child is being digested by some weird human-eating flowers. Yikes!

Have at ‘er readers!


  1. Jean Leinhauser says:

    I gotta tell you — I absolutely adore this site! I’m a crochet designer and I’ve created a lot of stuff through the years that are just as bad if not worse than what you show…these postings make my day!

  2. Leisel says:

    “Truth is…it looks like the child is being digested by some weird human-eating flowers.”

    That’s what I was thinking! How weird it is to think something and then read it.

    I think the biggest problem with the flowers is the size… they’re not at all proportional to the size of the wearer.

    And how quick do you think those dangly green things will end up covered in food or something? If that’s a crawling child instead of a walking child, she’d probably trip on them, too. Poor little girl!

  3. Missy says:

    Oh that poor, sweet, innocent, little girl!!! I just can’t stop laughing, I’m sorry, Little Girl, I’m laughing with you, HONEST!!

    Poor kid, she even has her hand up looking like “wth are you doing to me Mom?” You know, maybe child services should be alerted….

    **still laughing**
    This place just cracks me up, androgenous bunnies, little kids being eaten by flowers, I just didn’t realize these patterns were out there.

  4. Jen says:

    Whomever crocheted this for her is going to be disappointed in about 2.3 seconds when she hops off that chair and snags those giant holes in the outfit on everything in her world.

  5. Hookermama says:

    Hi, I ran across your blog yesterday (can you still see my footprints?) while looking for a scarf pattern and couldn’t stop laughing. I love the way you describe all of these awful crocheted items.

  6. Me says:

    Man! That stuff can’t possibly be connected with a brand of yarn, ’cause there’s no way it’s gonna help sell it. Really, I can’t wait to see what this ensemble looks like after the kid has eaten oatmeal, strained peas, chocolate pudding, etc. It might improve it by covering it up.

    I can’t help but think: if this is what it takes to be a published designer, maybe I could go into business. I can certainly do better than that! Euwwww!

  7. Dianna says:

    Prime example of a yarn company desperate to try out how to sell a product that should have never been offered. Also, a designer that has entirely too much time on their hands. If the creator of this outfit actually took care of that precious little girl all day, she would have never had time to make it.

    MAYBE, the point is to let the child dust the hardwood floor while pitching a temper tantrum after having the pink outfit put on her.

  8. Tonya Dobbs says:

    Wow, thanks for the honesty. It is about time someone stated the obvious. I will share this with my daughter, who is 14, she will laugh hysterically. I come across patterns and show them to her, sarcastically of course, and say aw want one. H*LL NO! This is something my tasteless SIL’s would put on their babies, time for auntie to come to the rescue. Poor child, makes me wonder why they chose a small defensless child to model, wait I know, no one else would sit there or even want to touch that thing. Hoping the child is her own, because I wouldn’t want to traumatize any one else’s child in that manner. Thank you for the laugh.

  9. Suzie says:

    Now, come on, how many of you have already started to work on this project?
    Hope none of you as it is really the worst thing that had been put on a child. I hope it can be taken off. :-)

  10. Maroomagoo says:

    I think that you guys need some lessons in taste, that kid looks absolutley adorable in that classical crocheted masterpiece.I think that when she goes out in public in that people will tell her she looks cool.It is good looking and probably better looking than what some of you critics wear.How can you guys say such things about that beutiful hat and poncho.Dang, I wish I had one.If you guys really had good fashion-taste you would know it looks classical,original,adorable and down right cool and awsome we should wear more of that type of home-made clothing.

  11. whatnottocrochet says:

    Calling the kettle black? Saying something like “probably better looking than what some of you critics wear” is being a tad critical yourself don’t you think? LOL! Feel free to wear it! Nobody’s opinion should get in your way!

  12. severina says:

    Maroomagoo, you’re hysterical!
    No, wait, you’re serious aren’t you?
    It’s amazing how some people can magically see what we’re wearing THROUGH THE COMPUTER SCREEN.

  13. CWatson says:

    I just came across this site and I thought I would die laughing over the comments you wrote about this pattern. I thought I was the only person who felt this way about some patterns but never wanted to give a comment about someone else’s hard work. You made my day. i haven’t laughed that this in years. And the responses from the other viewers are just as funny. Thanks for the laughs

  14. Jennifer says:

    This is a classical case of crochet overkill. The poncho itself would have been sweet…but ya HAD to go and make those child-engulfing flowers and an equally disturbing hat to match. I UNDERSTAND the need to make use of good yarn and to keep workin’ when you’re in the groove, but as my grandmother used to say, “Just because you can–does not mean you should.”

Leave a Reply