“Show Your Nipples” Tube Tops

This “free” pattern is insulting…not only because anyone who has crocheted for even the slightest bit of time can figure out the “pattern” without looking at it…duh, single crochets over and over and over from a chain…how hard is that…but for the very fact that you are crocheting a top that shows your nipples! Of course, this one is taken from the same site as the pointy boobs top posted yesterday and there are quite a few really bad pictures in this way on this site. From pointy boobs to show your nipples to “I can tell you just had a bikini wax” photos, this site has been rated TACKY by WNTC. I decided not to post the “just had a bikini wax” photos because they are just bad….really bad!


  1. severina says:

    I tracked this site down and sorely wished I hadn’t! Who the hell crochets CULOTTES???
    The bathing suits made me run away screaming.

    Google the IMAGE “tube top” + crochet. Then you’ll hate yourself for the rest of the day.

  2. Kim Guzman says:

    I just noticed that this designer lives just 30 miles from me. Perhaps I should go over and have a little talk with him. LOL Or, beat him over the head with a crochet hook.

  3. severina says:

    I think the designer has it in for women. Everything on this site either makes them look fat, stupid, or uncomfortable.
    I guess I’d be uncomfortable too if I was wearing a thick crocheted acrylic thong.
    *dry heaves*

  4. Abi says:

    Awwww!!! This is just too sad. I’m mean it’s really sad. What horrible designs! I wonder if anyone buys the patterns. Horrible!!!

  5. Adnor says:

    I am VERY disturbed by this person’s website!!! It makes me feel like the “models” he’s using are actually being kept as slaves, forced to crochet this crap, and then to wear it in front of the camera. Shudder…

    I’m also amazed that someone actually wasted yarn/time on this stuff. Did you see the patriotic top?!!? Almost as bad as the rainbow sweater next to it. Gag!!!

  6. knitter says:

    Aren’t holes the problem with most crocheted items? I like the look of crochet for granny square accents and for all sorts of things. (Yes, I like granny squares!). But I’ve never seen a crocheted sweater that didn’t have holes.

  7. irant says:

    I haven’t ventured over to the site myself (I just ate), so I wonder if the designer and photographer are the same person. If so, it’s just a matter of really really really bad eyesight. If not, uh… I can’t think of any other good reason how stuff can be depicted so badly. *shudder*

  8. HappyHooking says:

    Wow….this pic is actually not bad compared to a lot of stuff on that site.
    I’m trying not to be mean, because it looks like the guy is actually trying to do something good, and the models are just regular people off the street. Some of them would look fumpy is something that actually fit them (and covered them) nice, just because they don’t have the self esteem to project in the first place. That site could keep WNTC going for weeks!

  9. Jennie Mae says:

    OH MY GOD IS RIGHT!!!!!!! I mean the pick here is pretty bad, but then I clicked on the link that HappyHooking provided and almost lost my supper!!!!!!

    By the way, i love your site. It is my all time favorite online for a good laugh and to unwind after a long day. Keep up the awesome insights (Or should I say frights)

  10. Leisel says:


    While not everything on that site is hideous, you could keep up daily postings here for a good 2 months just from that site.

    Way to many things with no shaping at all… completely unflattering.

    Way to many things that SHOULD have been worn with something (NOT just an undergarment) underneath.

    Way to many things that really fall more into the lingerie category (bad lingerie at that, but still… no one besides their husband should ever see them like that… EW!). So many of those things (including the one you pictured yesterday) that look like a naked woman with odd censor blobs edited in afterwards. Not what I look for in an item of clothing.

    There’s even one that looked like a hospital gown gone bad. It’s listed under loungewear. Because, yeah… that (and most of the rest of them, to) are exactly what I think of when I imagine sitting around in comfy clothes. Uh-uh. Suuuuure.

  11. HydraFemme says:

    Funny, but I never thought to crochet ANYTHING that, when done in fabric, requires the presence of elastic. And even the softest of yarns would be so freaking itchy against bare flesh, so what’s the point of this garment again?

    At least , not in a light colour anyway. . .

  12. star says:

    “Glad to see you have found your way to this page.
    This page has more information about the modeling opportunities for my site.”


  13. auntchrissy says:

    I have to laugh – I’m such a lazy crocheter that my immediate reaction to this was not, “Ugh, how disgusting!” but “Ooh, I could make that!” Of course, I wouldn’t actually WEAR it, but really, isn’t it nice to know that I could if I wanted to? It would look great when I start that second job as a streetwalker. ;-)

  14. severina says:

    Just imagine all the pulling and adjusting you’ll have to do as you walk down the beach in that Strings Bikini. The back looks like it might stay where it was, but the front…holy crap…

    Should I even dare make a camel-toe comment? Nope. Wasn’t me.

  15. HydraFemme says:

    Hey, Tini—Did you notice that this model’s getting rather too much (dare I say it?) exposure lately? Not only that, but the link you cite appears to have her wearing the bottom BACKWARDS!

    Honestly, these designers need to figure out that spending a little extra for a better-quality model means less distraction from the crappiness of their output. The trailer trash vamps only increase the amount of criticism, ya know?

  16. Extreme Craft says:

    “I would first like to clarify a few things; this is not an offer of employment. This is a hobby for me. I do, however pay minimal cash amount ($100 per session) to compensate someone who has the look and/or cooperation I am looking for. Some of the ladies model for photos, most for the clothes, and some just for the fun of it. Now with that information out of the way, read on if you would like to learn more. If not, thank you for at least checking out my site. Please tell other people about it-not only for the model opportunity, but also for the patterns.”


    Can you think of a better way to become a lampshade made of human skin?

  17. CombatGal says:

    Quote: “compensate someone who has the look and…”

    She was actually seeking out women who look like that? Granted I don’t look any better, but I’d never sign up to be a ‘model’!!

  18. clunky says:

    The guy clearly has a crochet fetish. He likes to design little knickers to dress women in while he photographs them. How happy do the models look? He’s the only one who’s having fun. I’m sure somewhere else on the net you’d find his *uncensored* photos of his niece in a crochet chainmail flag…

  19. rhapsody says:

    I broke down and visited the site. Two things top my creepy list: up-close shots of the bikini cups (and the loving detail he uses to describe stitching them) and this line: “I would like to make it clear that I do not use motels.”

    I feel bad: the guy is trying to be legit here and honestly loves his hobby. But I still think, and now feel confirmed with some of those color choices, that he is legally blind.

    And legally creepy.

  20. Bryn says:

    If you want to see something really creepy, hit the “The Models” link and take a look at the background design on the page–shudder. But, on the upside, you, too, can be a model! **shudders harder**

  21. severina says:

    So are we really sure this guy’s selling crochet patterns and not photos? It could be some weirdo crochet-fetish site and we just don’t have the time (or maybe the password) to find the page that sells the “good stuff”..

    That would make more sense than for these to be serious patterns.

  22. Empress Baggie says:

    Ooops. My dyslexia is up showing. What I meant to write in my last post was:

    “Sites like that make a good argument for censorship.”

    But you all knew what I anyway meant, didn’t you.

    Truly yours very,

  23. lisaluvs says:

    are you out of your mind that is even more uglylier SERVERINA wow did you design this im sorry thats really bad thats my opinin

  24. modnit (tm) says:

    My personal favorite is the “side high” dress, I just wish it came in a crop top version. Come to think of it I was wondering if there is a coordinating crotchless panty? Is that what they mean by the Devils Handiwork? Honestly, these patterns are so bad they have to be the work of an Al Quaeda operative if not Bin Laden himself.

  25. Kookie says:


  26. Kim Guzman says:

    Just happened to visit this site again (I know! I know! LOL). It looks like he’s replaced almost every single model with a mannequin now. And, the bikinis/suits have been removed.

  27. Lisalu says:

    I visited the site. Though most of the designs were ugly, I didn’t hate everything. Crap. Now I’m going to have a complex that I have no style.

  28. Minky says:

    Was in for some laughs, but this one makes me wonder, hey a man designed this one right? She looks stoned, no women in there good mind would wear this!

  29. Minky says:

    Oh, I get it its not finished, make it a halter top and chrochet some spring flowers in two rows across the b**bs that should work…

  30. Melanie says:

    this site has been taken down. i came across it after he replaced the models with mannequins, and yeah, they were awful, but i thought i could find a way to make the tops myself (but better). so i bookmarked the site to come back for ideas. now the site is “temporarily disabled.” p.s. i didn’t realize it was a guy posting those, but the tackiness should have tipped me.

  31. van says:

    now I’m a bit offended by melanie’s comment. So i guess you are saying guys make tacky designs. First off, I crochet and all my stuff is custom work as per request of the individual. I’ve made calf length dresses, cocktail dresses and even sweater vests for my boys and of course anything my other half. you gotta think maybe the girl thought the top was cool, and he just made it. Took him what a few hours to do that at most. Kinda like asking a girl if she is a victorias secret type of girl or a fredricks of hollywood type of girl.

  32. chanti says:

    So, went to have a look at the site only to find it shut down, but did find his new one, and I must say OMG WHAT IS HE THINKING!!!!!!

  33. guest granny says:

    Would someone here please answer a question? If your fellow-bloggers told you the site was tacky, tasteless, and trashy, why did all of you go back to look ? And some went more than once! Makes me wonder what standards you have, if any. Sorry, I just don’t understand why you have to run down other humans. Or is this a venting site for second-raters?

  34. Randa says:

    Ahhh haha! This is so, so trashy in so, so many ways. I mean, white crochet tube top??? And c’mon the shot itself looks like it was taken out of a porno – sorry, I had to go there.

  35. Michelle says:

    I think he’s just too lazy to sew in a thin layer of skin color fabric and make the product right mainly because he’s taking a quick snapshot of it and not selling it, but selling the pattern. Honestly in the modeling world we are told not to wear bra’s when modeling apparel because it adds extra bumps and edges sometimes. Don’t ask, none of my bras do this, but some models aren’t so bright and wear dollar store bras that warp in the wash.

    I don’t think he makes sure that these clothes are fitted to these girls, half of the items are falling off the girls.

  36. Jennifer says:

    I can’t believe that someone actually posts a pattern like that! You are right, it is in poor taste, and not creative at all!!

  37. Charlotte says:

    omg, i just found your website and as soon as i saw the name of it, i wondered if you had seen those beeeyoootiful designs, i came across them earlier this year and still shudder at the thought of it! lol

  38. Chelsea says:

    I only wish I could “insult” the world with my nipples in a tube top but my rack is so big tube tops won’t stay up. But seriously… if you got it flaunt it. You’ll spend enough years of your elderly life being a wrinkled old dried up sagging bitter prune who hates everyone around them. Life’s too short to be a repressed jealous prude that can’t say a nice thing about a woman that’s prettier than you are.

  39. Annonymous says:

    And you just HAD to post this right? I was looking for a free crochet pattern for my dad’s B-day and came accross this crap. You posting this image makes you no better than the original site it came from. Let them be heathens, but don’t spread the disease by showing their image, out of site, out of mind. Thanks to this reposting it makes it so that anyone who sees it now has this image stored in their subconscious, thanks a lot.

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